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Do you find it difficult to relax, to let go, or even to successfully do relaxation techniques that are meant to reduce stress naturally, such as meditation and deep breathing? It may be because you’re identified with an energy pattern or inner self called the pusher.

This article introduces you to the pusher and gives you strategies for balancing it so that you can stop doing and start being, and feel your stress dissolve 😌🧘✨ 

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The pusher is a part of the human psyche many of us are controlled by, without us knowing it’s happening. Its role is to keep us moving on to the next thing, whatever that may be.

It works hand-in-hand with the inner critic and the perfectionist. Your inner critic points out your shortcomings, your inner perfectionist tries to make you ‘better’, and your pusher pushes you to action, often making lists and schedules for you.

Signs You’re Being Driven by the Pusher, Critic and Perfectionist Combo

• If your inner critic tells you you’re not achieving much in life, and you decide to achieve more, then your pusher tells you to write some goals, attend seminars and read books on success, look up web sites for even more guidance, find a mentor, and so on. (See this piece on goal setting for how to set goals consciously.)
• If your inner critic tells you your house is a mess (especially in comparison to your neighbour’s, your sister’s, your friend’s), your pusher reminds you to do the vacuuming, tidy up, wash the curtains, sweep the courtyard, get rid of the things you no longer need, re-arrange rooms/furniture/or even move to more easy-to-clean dwellings. And your perfectionist makes sure you do it all just right!
• If your inner critic tells you you’re not spiritual enough or that you’re too stressed and focused on future achievements, then your pusher makes you attend yoga classes five times a week and meditate every morning. Yet when you find it difficult to meditate and lose yourself in the present, your inner critic tells you you’re not doing it properly, and so your perfectionist makes you try harder, maybe with help from the pusher who now makes you go to yoga twice a day, because you obviously haven’t released all the blocks and tension from your body and so you need to keep working on it!

Why the Inner Pusher Feels Like ‘Just Who I Am’

The pusher is such a major driving force in many of us, that it is difficult to recognise it is even there. It just feels ‘natural’, like ‘who I am’.

But every time you have a thought about something you should do, and you feel propelled to action, that’s your inner pusher at work.

Even if you’re resting, and you start to think of what to do after your rest, that’s your pusher again. It might even make you jump up from the sofa and do whatever it is it has reminded you about.

Without any awareness of this pushing forward force operating within you, you wouldn’t think to question your (its) thoughts, and you automatically believe in the overriding importance of doing whatever thing your pusher nudges you to do.

The pusher is so relentless that even while you are busy doing something it reminded you to do, it often distracts you from your task with reminders of all the other things you should do too!

When Constant Doing Becomes Overwhelming: The Stress Cycle

The stress that results from this pusher energy at work can be disabling, especially if you start to worry that you don’t have enough time to do everything that ‘needs’ to be done. You can then feel it is impossible to do everything on your list, so you freeze and don’t get anything done.

Or you procrastinate. Or do unnecessary things. Procrastination is a sure sign of an over-active Pusher.

There are many cases of people who don’t do much at all and who have very strong pushers. Yet from the outside it seems as though they are identified with a more laid back energy.

An Overactive Pusher can Impact Your Body and Health

The pusher can also contribute to health problems such as migraines, heart conditions, neck and back problems.

Many people can feel the changes in their body when the pusher energy’s present. You can notice this quite clearly when playing with the energy in a Voice Dialogue session.

I’m sure if you took your blood pressure while identified with the pusher, you’d find it to be higher than when you’re separated from it.

Tune In: How to Notice the Inner Pusher in You

This is a simple exercise: All you need to do is think of some of the things you believe you ‘need’ to do. This will instantly fire up your pusher.

Then pay attention to your body. Does your breathing or your heart rate change? Is there tightness anywhere? How do your shoulders feel? How does your stomach feel?

I realise this sounds quite negative, but if you have no awareness of your pusher energy and how it affects your state, the consequences can be negative.

The positive aspects of the pusher are that it’s largely responsible for much of what does get done in the world.

It helps people get up in the morning and get going. It’s an energy that propels us forward, and if it weren’t available at all, our world would be a very different place.

You Can Still Get Things Done — Without the Pusher Running the Show

The ironic thing about the pusher is that you can actually achieve more when you’re not being run by it.

When you unhook from that constant inner pressure, your actions begin to come from a calmer, more centred place — not from anxiety or urgency, but from clarity and presence.

This shift allows you to be more in the moment, and more open to other parts of yourself — not just this one that’s always pushing you forward.

Time starts to feel spacious. Stress begins to dissolve.

And if you sit down to meditate with your Pusher beside you — rather than on top of you — the meditation might actually work.

How to Turn Down the Volume on Your Inner Pusher and Finally Relax

When you realise you’ve got your Pusher operating strongly and you’d like to turn down its power, try the following:

Sit (if you can) or stand still, and start to fantasise about doing nothing.

Maybe you’re on a deserted island, lying under a palm tree, or maybe you’re on the couch at home staring out the window.

Imagine how it would feel to be in that situation — feel your surroundings.

If you’re on the island, smell the sea air, feel the warmth of the sun on your skin and the softness of the breeze. Wriggle your toes and feel the fine sand run through them. Take a few deep breaths and enjoy those feelings.

If you feel the impulse to get going again, try to stay present in that feeling and examine it — Is there any anxiety with it? If so, what is it about? If thoughts about getting things done occur to you, question them. Find out why it’s so important to do those things now.

If you really can’t stay still and must do something, then try to take some of those relaxed feelings from your fantasy with you. Hold a mental and/or feeling image of you in your ‘doing nothing surroundings’ and carry it with you wherever you go.

A Word of Warning: Don’t Let Your Pusher Turn Relaxation into a Task

Your pusher might just add this exercise to its to-do list, making the exercise yet another thing causing you stress.

If that happens, and you can’t get into doing the exercise, just cross it off your list!

To find out more about the various inner selves that make up who you are, you can read my book Which Self Are You?.