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This is something I sent in my most recent newsletter. It’s about becoming identified with a perspective, in particular one that aligns with a tribe or group we feel we belong in, and finding ourselves automatically agreeing with everything the group says, even when we aren’t all that informed about some of the topics we have accepted the group’s position on.

This piece is a call to take some time to release from automatic identification with all that a tribe accepts as truth and to become curious, to question and investigate for yourself the beliefs you’ve taken on from a group. This involves separating from the primary selves of the group, which have also become your primary selves, and finding your centre from where you can more objectively perceive the world around you. 

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Because I haven’t sent an email for a while, including one for New Year or Valentine’s Day, I’d like to now wish you happiness for the remainder of the year and maybe even some romance if that’s what you desire.

Given recent events (most recently for me a tropical cyclone where I live!!) this sentiment may seem trivial.

But happiness and love are not insignificant, and both may be exactly what we need more of.

The thing is, in order to feel more happiness and love we need to step out of the safety/comfort/righteousness/judgemental-ness of our primary self. (If you’re new to Voice Dialogue, here’s a short intro to what a ‘primary self’ is.)

Which is hard to do when we’re not feeling happy, no matter what the reason/s, because our primary self is our protection from the world and all its ills.

But we can’t feel happy or loving (or romantic) when we’re guarding ourselves, looking at the world outside ourselves, pointing our finger at it and everyone in it who we believe is ‘wrong’ – or, more accurately, who our primary self believes is wrong.

Sometimes I like to follow arguments on X (previously Twitter) because it’s one of the few places I’ve found where people freely debate and argue with one another. What I’ve witnessed, though, is that very few people are interested in expanding their perspective when presented with ideas, evidence and arguments that challenge their (primary self’s) preconceptions.

This seems to have gotten worse in recent years. When I was at University, free debate about all kinds of things was encouraged. Even 10 years ago, people didn’t seem to get cancelled for expressing an opinion or even for asking a question, which used to lead to disagreeing parties respectfully maintaining, adjusting or transforming their viewpoints.

It’s as if many people have lost the ability to allow themselves (and others) to be challenged, as if they want to hold onto their current perspective at any cost.

So when is it that we behave that way? It’s when we feel vulnerable.

Think about when you are disagreeing or arguing with your partner or friend. The more vulnerable you feel, the more you dig in your heels.

Maybe a contributing factor is that for so long we’ve all been subject to information coming from social media, in small quick bites we’re encouraged to either ‘like’ or dismiss, rather than lingering over multi-course meals where we can experience flavours and how they intermingle over time.

And people seem to have become more tribal, where if they agree with someone about one thing (such as a particular social media post) then they also feel they have to agree with them about everything else.

Their tribe discourages questioning or even curiosity. And that then exacerbates vulnerable feelings because we don’t feel safe saying anything ‘unacceptable’.

But what if the person we agree with and feel tribally aligned with doesn’t have a good understanding of a particular issue, or is intentionally deceiving us, and so the good (and comfortable and righteous) feelings generated by our mutual agreement are keeping us stuck in muddy (or even bloody, in some cases) ignorance?

A technique to shift from a perspective and open yourself to a deeper truth

When we adamantly believe we know the truth, or when we start to feel doubt or come to the realisation that we don’t actually know the truth, and maybe we’ve been misled or swept up in a movement or simply haven’t looked deeply enough into something (possibly because we’ve felt we’ve needed to agree with our tribe), a simple technique we can do to anchor ourselves closer to truth is to ground ourselves and be present.

All you do is sit and feel yourself existing. The awareness that you are, in this time and space, is something that is true.

Open your eyes and look at the world around you, look at your body – your anchor to your experience of this life. Feel the weight of your body on the seat or floor or earth. Move your attention to your hands, then arms, then chest rising and falling as you breathe, then your abdomen and legs. Wriggle your toes.

Here you are. You are real. This moment you are in is truth.

From here you are more open to perceiving more clearly the elements that make up the picture around you, or around a topic, or around an idea or belief.

From here you can be curious and explore.

Think about a topic, considering the different evidence you’ve been presented with. And if you haven’t been presented with any evidence or you’ve been discouraged from doing your own research, then ask, why?

Maybe it’s time to take a look?

You can also more readily tap into the different parts of yourself when you’re in this present grounded space.

Listen to your various selves and their perspectives and fears and how they have tried to keep you safe.

Just allow yourself to follow your thoughts and feelings or write down the ideas that come to you. The more you express from different selves, the more easily you’ll be able to perceive the different aspects of the picture outside in the world.

This is something we all can do. We can all start from our experience in the here and now.

A great way to connect with and gain some objectivity and separation from the array of selves within you, is to read my ebook Which Self Are You?