The Aware Ego
The process that occurs when you become aware of and start to experience a separation from your primary self (your ego) is called the Aware Ego Process. This process allows you to experience the parts of yourself that your primary self has suppressed.
Your primary self – usually referred to as the operating ego in mainstream psychology – is not all of who you are.
Your primary self develops in response to your environment in order for you to survive and thrive in that environment. This process requires that you disown the parts of you that threaten your survival, or to not use parts that you don’t believe are valued in your environment.
So, depending on your family and culture, your birth order, your genetic predispositions and other conditions, a particular primary self will emerge in you. And it is this primary self that you come to identify with as you, that you believe is wholly you.
At some point, however, you might realise that there’s more to who you are than the personality you have lived your life through. You might become aware that you are always playing a particular role, or that you are always repeating certain habits and responses, and would like the ability to behave and feel differently. Maybe you fantasise or dream about being a different person to who you usually are.
You might even behave in different ways – or even become a completely different self – in particular circumstances such as after drinking alcohol or doing something out of the ordinary. Many people go through a dramatic life change at some point, such as mid-life crisis or during a major illness, when selves they have disowned for a long time come to the surface of their psyche.
An increasingly aware ego will allow you to integrate your disowned selves on your own terms, in your own time, without having to let go of the primary self/selves that have served you so far. This process allows you to change and grow into more of who you are, enabling you to lead a richer and more fulfilling life.
Greater Self-Awareness and Choice
When you begin an Aware Ego Process, you find that your sense of who you are changes. You become aware of which selves you have been identified with and which selves you don’t know about or have disowned and relegated to ‘the shadow’. You are still you, but you gain new perspectives and abilities and access to new energies.
You develop more choice in how you behave and feel.
So, for example, instead of feeling that you are driven, you start to realise that there is a part of you who is driven and that there is also a part of you who is not. (See this article for how to handle the demands of your inner Pusher so prevalent in today’s world.)
Instead of feeling that you are a pleaser you become aware that you have been identified with a part of you who is a pleaser but that there are also other, opposite parts such as an assertive self or adventurous self.
Rather than feeling self-critical, you can isolate your self-critical voice – the Inner Critic – and bring objectivity to it from this new space in consciousness.
How Does the Voice Dialogue Process Work?
The Voice Dialogue process involves having someone (a facilitator) speak directly with the selves of your psyche. This facilitator can be a professional Voice Dialogue facilitator, therapist or psychologist who uses this technique, or a friend or partner you have learnt to do this work with.
(I’ll be publishing a post soon on how to do a Voice Dialogue session so sign up for my newsletter below to be informed of when that will be available.)
During this dialoguing process you experience a separation from the self being dialogued with. The separation involves awareness that you have been identified with a self and an experience of the self as distinct from you, which together give you an Aware Ego in relation to the self you have just identified and separated from.
The Aware Ego Process is the Real Gift of Voice Dialogue
The Aware Ego is the essence, the core, the real gift of the Voice Dialogue system. It is a space that allows for something other to come through – source, the universe, the intelligence of life, or whatever you want to name the underlying energy/power/intelligence that keeps the universe going.
The Aware Ego is not a spiritual energy for there are opposites to spiritual energies that are equally valid parts of life, yet it is a spiritual process in the sense that the experience is an awe-inspiring one where you realise there is something other, something greater and with far more intelligence than your normal ego identification.
The Benefits of Starting an Aware Ego Process
The results of becoming more conscious through an Aware Ego Process include gaining access to, and acceptance of, more of who you are – and more of who others are. So the benefits to your relationships from doing this work, including your relationship with your partner, your relationship with your children, and with your friends and colleagues, are profound.
You realise that it is natural to feel the different perspectives of the different selves; that you can enjoy caring for your children but also want time to yourself without them, that you can enjoy the theatre and also sport, that you have spiritual inclinations but may also want material comforts and scientific knowledge, that you have an emotional self as well as a rational mind.
When you embrace more of your selves and their differing needs, you are able to make more conscious choices rather than acting out of habit or compulsion. This helps with all kinds of problems and conflicts and leads to lasting transformation.
Free Voice Dialogue eBook
Get an introduction to Voice Dialogue, including an overview of 20 selves and an exercise to determine your own primary and disowned selves in my ebook Me! Me! Me! Which Inner Self is Running Your Life?
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