Astra Niedra | Voice Dialogue in Daily Life

Discover the richness and depth of who you really are. Get to know the various parts of you – your inner selves – and how they influence your life experience.

Improve and transform your relationships – especially with your partner and children. Become aware of how your inner selves bond in predictable patterns in your relationships, and learn how to deal with those bonding patterns effectively.

Recognise the value of who you are now and where you are now, and also connect with inner resources that will enable you to have more conscious choice going forward.

Voice Dialogue refers to the body of work of Dr Hal Stone and Dr Sidra Stone that includes the Voice Dialogue technique and the theory underpinning the technique, the Psychology of Selves.

If you’ve tried other relationship and conscious parenting techniques, and/or counselling and psychotherapy, but old patterns keep returning, or something works only sometimes, I encourage you to explore this incredibly empowering and life-changing work.

Our Inner Selves

The core reason it’s so difficult to make lasting changes (not only in relationships but in many areas of our lives) is that we all operate from only a part, or a few parts, of our whole self. 

The Outgoing Self

That part of yourself you feel is you, that holds your conscious rules, values and much of your personal history, is your ‘primary self’. This primary self developed in your childhood to protect you and enable your survival. It is who you have come to identify as (you might call it your ego or your personality).

This primary self does an amazing job (you’re still here!) but it is limited by its nature – by its particular perspective, abilities, energy, etc. And so therefore you’re limited by its nature.

For instance, if you developed a highly Responsible self because that’s what worked for you in your family system, then as an adult you may be someone who others depend on but you might also find it difficult to let go, to be spontaneous and to have fun.

Or if you developed a strong Analytical Mind then you may find it challenging to express and understand feelings (your own and other people’s) or to feel at all.

Or if you became a Pleaser, then you probably find it impossible to feel entitled to take for yourself and have your own needs met.

You actually have many selves that make up your personality. A bit like an onion with its many layers, or an orchestra with its many instruments and players.

The Perfectionist

Some selves you accept and include in the package that’s ‘you’, while others are relegated to your ‘shadow’ where you judge them or have little or no awareness of them.

Usually different selves emerge at different times.

So your Achiever or Perfectionist may be who you are at work. But your Nurturing Parent may be who emerges with your children.

In your relationship you may sometimes be your Playful Self or Sensual Self, but at other times your Critical Father/Mother or Needy Self takes over.

It could be that you are always operating from one self or a group of selves that work together, such as the Responsible Self or the Pleaser, and you struggle to ever express other parts of yourself.

How your selves are ‘configured’ in you will determine the choices you make and how you behave and feel. 

Each part of you holds particular memories and has a narrative about your life, from its experience of it. Each self has preferences for how you live your life and goals it would like you to achieve. Each self also has anxieties and concerns. 

So when you’re setting goals, imagining a future, healing the past, your results will depend on who in you is involved.

That has massive implications for how your life and relationships play out.

If you’d like to become more conscious in how you experience your life, then becoming aware of and integrating your selves is key. 

The Spiritual Self

How Will Voice Dialogue Help?

Get my FREE ebook Which Inner Self is Running Your Life? for an example of how Voice Dialogue will help you in an everyday situation. It also gives you an overview of 20 selves, and a simple exercise to discover your own primary and disowned selves.

Then check out this page about Voice Dialogue or go directly to one of my articles on how Voice Dialogue can help with relationships, parenting, setting boundaries, decision-making, handling stress, accessing creativity, spirituality, and more. (There are links to all articles in the menu at the top of each page on this site).

My articles include both explanatory information and practical exercises and techniques you can start now.

You can also purchase my books (please do as the funds help with the running costs of this freely available site), the dvds/audios featuring Voice Dialogue’s creators Drs Hal and Sidra Stone demonstrating this work, and books from other teachers.

You’ll also find links to facilitators worldwide who offer private Voice Dialogue sessions and training.

And if you have any questions, please get in touch via the comments section at the end of most pages here or via Facebook or Instagram.

Remember to get Which Inner Self is Running Your Life? to start you on the process of learning about your selves.