You have within you a wealth of untapped resources and the ability to experience far more joy, wonder, passion, creative fulfilment and love. You probably already know that and have tried various personal growth techniques and maybe therapies.

But you probably also still operate on autopilot most of the time, reacting to events and in your relationships in habitual ways.

If you’re anything like me before I discovered Voice Dialogue, you might start out inspired and motivated by something you’ve learnt, but then get stuck, lose motivation, or feel like you’re not being yourself when you try to change. Or you simply forget and fall back into old patterns.

The reason it’s so difficult to make lasting changes is that you’re living your life from only a part, or a few parts, of your whole self. 

That part of yourself you feel is you, that holds your rules, values and much of your personal history, is your ‘primary self’. This primary self developed in your childhood to protect you and enable your survival. It is who you have come to identify as (you might call it your ego or your personality).

This primary self does an amazing job (you’re still here!) but it’s limited by its nature. And so therefore you’re limited by its nature.

For instance, if you developed a highly Responsible self because that’s what worked in your family system, then as an adult you may be someone who others depend on but you might also find it difficult to let go, to be spontaneous and to have fun.

The Outgoing Self

Or if you developed a strong Analytical Mind then you may find it challenging to express and understand feelings (your own and other people’s) or to feel at all.

Or if you became a Pleaser, then you probably find it impossible to feel entitled to take for yourself and have your own needs met.

You actually have many selves that make up your personality. A bit like an onion with its many layers, or an orchestra with its many instruments and players.

Some selves you accept and include in the package that’s ‘you’, while others are relegated to your ‘shadow’ where you judge them or have little or no awareness of them.

Usually different selves emerge at different times.

So your Achiever or Perfectionist may be who you are at work. But your Nurturing Parent may be who emerges with your children.

In your relationship you may sometimes be your Playful Self or Sensual Self, but at other times your Critical Father/Mother or Needy Self takes over.

It could be that you are always operating from one self or a group of selves that work together, such as the Responsible Self or the Pleaser, and you struggle to ever express other parts of yourself.

The Perfectionist

How your selves are ‘configured’ in you will determine the choices you make and how you behave and feel. 

That has massive implications for how your life and relationships play out.

If you’d like to become more conscious in how you experience your life, then becoming aware of and integrating your selves is key. 

Voice Dialogue will help you with this process.

The Spiritual Self

You can start by getting my FREE ebook Which Inner Self is Running Your Life? It introduces you to Voice Dialogue, and gives you an overview of 20 selves as well as an exercise to discover your own primary and disowned selves.

Then check out this page about Voice Dialogue or go directly to an article on how Voice Dialogue can help with relationships, parenting, setting boundaries, decision-making, handling stress, accessing creativity, spirituality, and more. (There are links to all articles in the menu at the top of each page on this site).

My articles include both explanatory information and practical exercises and techniques you can start now.

You can also purchase my books (please do as the funds help with the running costs of this freely available site), the dvds/audios featuring Voice Dialogue’s creators Drs Hal and Sidra Stone demonstrating this work, and books from other teachers.

You’ll also find links to facilitators worldwide who offer private Voice Dialogue sessions and training.

And if you have any questions, please get in touch via the comments section at the end of most pages here or via Facebook or Instagram.

I’ve found this personal growth work to be so interesting and exciting and healing, and I hope you do too!