Imagine if you could fully accept and appreciate yourself as you are now, but also continue to grow.

Wouldn’t it be great if you could follow your dreams and effectively handle inner criticism, negativity and self-doubt?

What if you could improve your relationships, consciously choosing the degree of connection and intimacy, the strength of your boundaries, and how you communicate?

You can do all these things.

The problem is most of us live on autopilot most of the time, acting and reacting in habitual ways.

Our habitual behaviours, our thoughts, and our feelings come from the dominant parts of our personality which developed in our childhood to protect us and enable us to survive. They are our ‘defences’, and they are who we identify as.

These dominant parts of ourselves have done an amazing job (you’re here!), but the way they function (and therefore how you function) may no longer be ideal.

For instance, if you developed a highly Responsible personality then you might find it difficult to let go, be spontaneous and have fun. Or if you developed a strong Analytical Mind then you may find it difficult to express and understand feelings or to feel at all. Or if you became a Pleaser, then you probably find it difficult to feel entitled to take for yourself and have your own needs met. And if you had to become an Achiever then you would struggle with taking time out to rest or with failure and not achieving.

The Outgoing Self

You actually have many aspects to your personality, which can be referred to as ‘inner selves’ or simply ‘selves’, and together they make up your personality as a whole.

Some selves you accept and identify with, while others are relegated to your ‘shadow’. And different selves emerge at different times.

So your Achiever or Perfectionist may be who you are at work. But your inner Caring Parent or Nagging Parent may be who emerges with your children.

Or in your relationship you may sometimes be your Loving Self or Playful Self or Sensual Self. But at other times your inner Critical Self or Controlling Self or Needy Self takes over.

It could be that you are always operating from one self or a group of selves that work together, such as the Responsible Self or the Pleaser, and you struggle to express other parts of yourself.

The Perfectionist

Each part has a function in your psyche, and how you behave and feel is determined by how your inner selves are ‘configured’ in you.

That has massive implications for how your life and relationships play out.

If you’d like more choice in how you experience your life, if you’d like to change old patterns, heal old wounds and access new ways of feeling, behaving and relating, then developing greater awareness of and connection to your inner selves is key.

This website has plenty of resources to help you with this process.

The Spiritual Self

You’ll find help with relationships, parenting, setting boundaries, decision-making, handling stress, accessing creativity, spirituality, and more. My articles include both explanatory information and practical exercises you can do.

You can also purchase my books (please do as the funds help with the running costs of this freely available site), the dvds/audios featuring Voice Dialogue’s creators Drs Hal and Sidra Stone demonstrating this work, and books from other teachers.

You’ll also find links to facilitators worldwide who offer private Voice Dialogue sessions and workshops. This work can be used for general personal growth, help with relationship challenges, parenting challenges, sports coaching, helping business people understand their psychological make-up and that of staff, helping actors and other artists access the different parts of themselves to bring characters to life, and so on.

And if you have any questions, just send me a message via a comment on any of the posts here or via Facebook or Instagram.