Daily Voice Dialogue - Issue 3

--------- DAILY VOICE DIALOGUE ---------

a free weekly newsletter about using Voice Dialogue in your daily life

written by Astra Niedra, edited by Mark Belfanti

Welcome to the third edition of Daily Voice Dialogue. This newsletter will cover various aspects of Voice Dialogue and give you ways to use Voice Dialogue in your life on a day-to-day basis.

Best wishes,
Astra Niedra

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TOPIC OF THE WEEK

ENERGY

Energy is the 'stuff' from which the selves are made. Each self has its own energy. A rational self has an impersonal, mental energy. An emotional self has a more personal, feeling energy. You are made up of a number of different selves and so have a number of different energies available to you.

If the primary selves you identify with the most are the Rational Mind and the Pusher, then your energy will feel quite cool and fast, even tense. You will be more comfortable relating to people in an impersonal way, maybe even not stopping long enough to connect with others at all.

If your primary self is a Nurturing Mother, your energy will feel warm and open. You will feel comfortable in close contact with people who welcome your warmth and take well to your nurturing.

The energy you use will determine the nature of the interactions you have with people.

For example, if your energy is always open, you may find you are always influenced by other people's emotional states and you take these states on. You can quickly become exhausted being like this. If you don't have the ability to draw on a more protective energy, you leave yourself quite vulnerable.

On the other hand, if you are always closed off energetically you are probably not being energetically 'fed' yourself, and may feel disconnected from others.

By learning to control the energies you use, you can affect the quality of your interactions with other people. So if you are usually very open, accepting and warm energetically, you might like to have the choice to be less open in some situations (for example, in personal relationships when you need time and space for yourself and when someone you hardly know asks you for a large favour which you really would rather not do).

Having more conscious choice in how you use your energies is also beneficial for your health and safety.

The following exercise will give you practise with controlling your energy. (See also the 'Being in charge of your boundaries' exercise in Issue 2 for practise using a protective energy for yourself.)

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EXERCISE

SHOPPING WITH ENERGY

When you go to buy something from your local shop, try varying the energy you use each time. One time go in and say hello with a really open, warm energy. Feel you are energetically reaching out towards the shopkeeper, feel as though your heart is open to them.

Another time tone down the warmth and be a bit more cool, but not quite impersonal.

The following time, be impersonal. Act very professional and mental, and make no effort to be warm towards the shopkeeper. Keep yourself energetically distant.

Take note of the response you get each time.

Try variations of these and find what feels most comfortable for you. See if you can become aware of what kind of energy you use with friends, family and work colleagues. Try to adjust the nature of the energy you use to best suit the interaction you are having.

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MEET THE SELF OF THE WEEK - A BRIEF INTERVIEW

THE CHAMELEON

Favourite job: I like all the jobs I've had, but I've just enrolled in an acting course and am loving it - who knows where it might take me.

Favourite holiday destination: I tend to go to different places for each holiday, depending on who I go with. I find I really fit in well in most environments.

What I've been reading: Pretty much anything people recommend to me.

Favourite Sunday breakfast: Whatever you're having.

Are you in a relationship? I'm seeing a few people at the moment. I'm not sure I could ever be with just one person. I seem to connect with so many people. And I don't really know what I want in a partner or from a relationship.

Favourite song/piece of music: I can get into different types of music, but the following pieces spring to mind: Who are you? By The Who and Vivaldi's Four Seasons.

How do your friends describe you? Each friend describes me differently - it's like they all know a different aspect of me.

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ENERGY TIPS AND TRICKS

There are a few in this issue, so here's a quick one:

Stand in front of the mirror and practice projecting warm and then cool energy towards your image. Note how you feel and look when using both energies.

Be warned, this exercise could make you laugh uncontrollably or cringe, but probably both.

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RELATIONSHIPS

PERSONAL AND IMPERSONAL ENERGY

Consider what the energy is that you use predominantly in your relationship and what energy your partner uses. Are you more open and personal and your partner more impersonal? Or is it the other way around? Generally, women tend to be more personal in relationship and men more impersonal, although this is a generalisation.

If you are the more personal one you probably find that you often approach your partner requesting more contact with them. When you hug you are probably the one that holds on the longest and you feel a slight disappointment when your partner lets go.

If you are the more impersonal one you might find your partner a bit suffocating, as though they always want contact with you. You might feel you have to withdraw to get some of your own space. When you hug you probably let go first, feeling discomfort at 'meshing' for too long.

Always honour how you primarily feel, but remember that when we are not taking care of ourselves, of our own vulnerability, we tend to fall more heavily into our primary self which makes us feel safe. So if you're confronted by your partner's opposite energy, you are probably responding by going more deeply into what feels more comfortable to you, the opposite of their energy.

Consider this in your own relationship and then read next week's issue for an exercise on how to use hugging to practice comforting your own vulnerability and then feel more comfortable with your partner's energy.

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BABY DIALOGUE

Examples from my experiences with my 17 month old daughter to illustrate how I try(!) to use Voice Dialogue in my life.

When I take Athena to the playground I usually just let her choose what she'll play on, and I faithfully follow her around trying to avoid accidents. Sometimes I encourage her to try something such as climb the stairs to the slippery dip ('slide', in the USA - I think). It's interesting to watch her response.

Sometimes if I say "Can you show Mama how you climb the stairs" she obliges quite enthusiastically, but on another day she won't. But if I then ask her in a different way such as "Do you want to slide down she slippery dip? Well you're going to have to climb up first to do that" she might. And she might respond to yet another tack such as "Would you show me how you're meant to climb up the stairs? Mummy would like to try it".

Each question is geared towards a different part of Athena. If I ask her to please me, she either will or won't, depending on whether her Pleaser is active at that moment. If I appeal to her sense of wanting the fun of going down the slide, she will only climb the stairs if she wants that kind of fun at that moment. And if I ask her to show me how to do something, as if she's teaching me, she will do so if she has her teacher or helpful self present.

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NEXT ISSUE

TOPIC OF THE WEEK: Primary selves
RELATIONSHIPS: Hugging exercise
SELF OF THE WEEK: Responsible Parent

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IMPORTANT NOTE

This newsletter is not to be taken as psychological or medical advice. If you require such advice you should seek it from an appropriate health care professional. This newsletter is also not intended for you to use in making life-altering decisions without communication between you and the appropriate health care professional.

Copyright 2000 - Astra Niedra. ISSN 1444-6022. PO Box 1266, Rozelle NSW 2039, Australia. No part of Daily Voice Dialogue may be reproduced, in any form, without the written permission of the author, Astra Niedra, except for forwarding an issue, in its entirety and complete with copyright information, to a friend.