Daily Voice Dialogue - Issue 23

----- DAILY VOICE DIALOGUE -----

a newsletter about using Voice Dialogue in your daily life
written by Astra Niedra, edited by Mark Belfanti

WELCOME to the twenty-third edition of Daily Voice Dialogue.

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TOPIC OF THE MONTH

SENSUALITY, OR "APHRODITE ENERGY"

Sensual energy, or Aphrodite energy as Hal and Sidra Stone call it, is the feeling we get when we are aware of our senses and the sensations they feel. Aphrodite is the Greek goddess of love and beauty which is why she is used to refer to sensual energy. Sensual energy is often mistaken for sexual energy in our culture; sensual energy is different from sexual energy, but it can be involved in sexual activity.

Examples of sensual enjoyment include the feeling of having your arm or back tickled; a long, relaxing massage; the feeling of swimming in refreshing, cool ocean water on a particularly hot day or soaking in a hot, steamy bath on a particularly cold night; losing yourself in a favourite piece of music or a beautiful painting; enjoying the rich, pungent aroma of freshly ground coffee beans.

Feeling sensual feels good. A part of sensuality involves feeling good in your own body and being able to receive pleasant sensations from outside your body. Sensuality involves your skin, eyes, nose, ears and taste buds.

Sensual energy isn't just the physical sensation though - it is difficult to describe because it is a feeling. It permeates your being and alters how you feel internally, how you perceive the external world and how others perceive you.

When someone is strongly identified with their sensual, or Aphrodite, energy others can feel this quite clearly. People tend to react to this energy as it is often expressed very powerfully. They either respond as feeling attracted to the person or feeling judgmental towards them. Many of the selves that feel judgment towards sensuality are common primary selves in many cultures - the Patriarch, the more Rational/Pusher selves, the Spiritual selves and Responsible Parent selves. If you do not have access to Aphrodite energy yourself, you might be fascinated with it, and can fall for someone who expresses it powerfully.

If you are identified with your sensual energy, then you will have your fair share of admirers - the energy makes you very attractive and makes you beautiful no matter what your physical features are like; in fact, it can change the appearance of your physical features to a large extent.

The ability to flirt is an expression of sensual energy in action. You can imagine that if you could meet the goddess Aphrodite that she would be a master flirt, and you can really see this energy operating in people who are naturally flirtatious. This aspect of sensual energy also often gets misunderstood in contemporary culture; flirtation is now generally seen as a sign of sexual availability - when it used to be quite an art that was an enjoyable way to interact with people.

I believe we need to learn to distinguish sensuality from sexuality, to separate them out from one another. Our culture generally sees them as the same thing. In popular culture sexuality is used openly and obviously in music videos, advertising, in fashion and it has become confused with sensuality. And there is much judgment and pushing underground of this sexual/sensual mix from other parts of our culture. So on the whole we are losing out on the enjoyment of sensuality.

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EXERCISE

If you want to have access to your sensual energy, just invite it to come in; close your eyes and literally invite Aphrodite to inhabit your system - this works for both men and women. To help the energy to come in, focus your attention on your skin and on your senses. Feel the air on your skin if theres a breeze, how does it feel as it comes in contact with your skin?; touch the things around you and pay attention to the different textures; smell the scents in the air; open your eyes and see the beauty in your surroundings. This energy will make you feel good; it gives you a sense of connection with your environment and with other people. Inviting it in is something you can do when you feel a bit down. You can practice inviting the energy in with your partner turn its intensity up and down and ask for feedback about how this affects him/her.

Sensual energy can be brought in through different selves. For example, a four-year-old girl can have a very strong Aphrodite energy and so can an adult woman; you can use sensual energy in a personal, warm way or in a cool, impersonal way. The energy feels different in all cases, both for the person using the energy and for other people, but it has the same underlying quality.

You know when someone has it because others pay attention to them. Have you ever been to a party where everyone is looking at the same person some because they are attracted to them and others because they are jealous; there may be many beautiful people in the room but if someone has Aphrodite energy, he or she will stand out.

A simple exercise you could try, to help you access this energy, is to fill up the bathroom sink with water (cool water if it's currently hot in your part of the world, and warm water if it is cold in your part of the world). Put your hands in the water and pay attention to the sensation of the water against your skin. Swish your hands around and really feel what this is like. Give yourself quite a few minutes to do this.

Generally, to access sensuality, you need to give yourself time to feel - as the old saying goes: "Don't forget to stop and smell the roses."

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MEET THE SELF OF THE MOMENT - A BRIEF INTERVIEW

APHRODITE

Current job: Movie Star

Favourite holiday destination: At the moment, the Bahamas, lying in a hammock under the palm trees, by the sea, with the breeze caressing my skin, enjoying the sounds and scents of the ocean. I love beautiful places - places with natural beauty and with beautiful buildings and great museums and art galleries to visit.

Favourite movie and/or television show: Like Water For Chocolate; NigAthena Lawson's cooking shows

Favourite song/music: Anything by Sade

Favourite book: The English Patient by Michael Ondaatje; I also love poetry and looking at art books

Favourite foods: Generally fresh foods bursting with great flavour; also crème brulee; rich, creamy chocolate; any aromatic foods; mangos.

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BABY DIALOGUE

Examples from my experiences with my 3 1/2 year old and 1 1/2 year old daughters to illustrate how I try(!) to use Voice Dialogue in my life.

Athena is at an age now where she's largely identified with a young Aphrodite energy, as most little girls are at her age. She emanates charm and loveliness and gets a reaction of adoration from most people when she is expressing this energy.

As well as just enjoying her Aphrodite energy as she is playing, Athena also uses it to try to get what she wants. You can see it in her eye movements, her gestures and in her smile, and you can hear it in her voice when she is asking me for whatever it is (a lollipop for lunch, for instance). It really is a very seductive energy and it is difficult to refuse. Obviously I do refuse it and then, wow, sometimes the tantrums are huge.

But, if I am in touch with my own Aphrodite energy when Athena does this, and do not just respond to her from my Responsible Mother energy, then she does respond differently. There is disappointment when she doesn't get what she is wanting, but it is expressed far more gently.

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FACILITATOR'S CORNER

QUICK TIP

When you are talking with a client at the start of a session, don't jump into facilitating the first self that becomes apparent to you. Observe your client for a while first as you are talking and notice how their energy changes during your conversation. This will give you information about the way the various primary and disowned selves work in your client's psyche. Your better understanding of your clients psychological map, particularly which selves are a part of their primary self system, will help you to ask more pertinent questions of the selves, and it will help you determine which self to talk to first.

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COMING UP IN FUTURE ISSUES

Connecting with others
The business selves
Relationships and children

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IMPORTANT NOTE

This newsletter is not to be taken as psychological or medical advice. If you require such advice you should seek it from an appropriate health care professional. This newsletter is also not intended for you to use in making life-altering decisions without communication between you and the appropriate health care professional.

Copyright 2000-2003 - Astra Niedra. ISSN 1444-6022. PO Box 1266, Rozelle NSW 2039, Australia. No part of Daily Voice Dialogue may be reproduced, in any form, without the written permission of the author, Astra Niedra, except for forwarding an issue, in its entirety and complete with copyright information, to a friend.