Daily Voice Dialogue - Issue 21

----- DAILY VOICE DIALOGUE -----

a newsletter about using Voice Dialogue in your daily life

written by Astra Niedra, edited by Mark Belfanti

WELCOME to the twenty-first edition of Daily Voice Dialogue. Starting soon there will be a new section called 'Facilitator's Corner' which will be a place where facilitators can share tips on facilitating so that we can all learn from each other's experiences. If you would like to contribute to this section just email your tip to me. You can also email me questions you might have about a particular aspect of facilitating which I will publish to give other facilitator's the opportunity to answer your question.

Best wishes,
Astra Niedra

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TOPIC OF THE MOMENT

THE CURRENT WORLD CLIMATE - THE NEED TO SEPARATE FROM OUR INDIVIDUAL AND COLLECTIVE IDENTIFICATIONS

With the recent terrorist attack in Bali, and last year in New York, westerners are feeling anger toward the Islamic terrorist groups who committed the atrocities. Westerners are also feeling much vulnerability. Some people have felt these feelings to an extreme and have acted irrationally by attacking innocent Muslims they have been living alongside for years and, in contrast, some people are unable to leave their homes out of an irrational fear of being attacked.

What is going on with the world situation in terms of primary and disowned selves? All countries and sub-cultures within countries identify with particular selves and judge those who identify with their disowned selves. The more extreme the identification, the deeper the disowning, and the more harsh the judgment. The consequence of extreme judgment is conflict of some kind.

In hand with the above, most countries disown their vulnerability. Then when one side of a polarity attacks the other side, the other side suddenly feels its vulnerability. If it can't cope with this, then it buries it again and identifies even more strongly with its original identification - and now there's self-righteousness and anger and moral superiority included. The other side does the same. What a bonding pattern when it happens on such a large scale!

One way of looking at the relationship between terrorist organisations and the western world as a whole is to consider the fact that terrorist organisations form in countries where there is mass poverty, religious fundamentalism, political power is factionalised, there is little or no economic power, and very little freedom for most people.

In this regard, I believe it is important for the wealthier countries in the western world who are well-represented diplomatically and therefore get their interests looked at by the international community, to pay attention to what the poorer and less powerful peoples of the world are saying, and see that they too have their concerns seriously considered. This would help stop the kind of terrorists who are fighting for an economic and/or political cause.

Think of it like this, if one of your own selves in your own psyche is never listened to and is disowned over a long period of time, then it can become nasty. The nasty energy can be directed inwards at you, leading to illness, or it can break out and attack other people. The same applies for groups - if a group of people is not listened to and honoured then it becomes angry.

Another way of looking at what is happening is to consider how terrorists themselves represent our (western) disowned selves and are thus acting out what we repress. For example, many terrorist organisations are fundamentalist regarding their religion. Most westerners would identify with the opposite. We do have fundamental groups within our societies but they are a minority. So the challenge for us individually is to embrace our own inner fundamentalist to create some balance in the world. The more we disown this aspect of our nature, the more we feed that energy to others who will express it even more.

Another disowned self of ours that terrorists have is the fact that they belong to a close-knit organisation with a strong common goal. Our western society is very individualistic, with each person taking care of themselves - in the past people were more closely tied to their family or the company they worked for and shared common goals with other employees, but even this has changed now for so many people. So belonging to a group and sharing a common bond is disowned in us.

Another self that terrorists have is the part that is willing to do anything for their cause - even kill others and themselves. In contrast, in the west we have created very mind-based, rational procedures for dealing with the various causes that various groups of people try to promote. Our governments provide the structure/place for voicing and accommodating the different causes. We actively discourage any emotional pleas, expression of passion and sacrifice within our system.

Also, most western countries support freedom of speech to a large extent and have legislation which allows everybody to have a voice. This identification with 'freedom' belongs to a particular self and also has its opposite - those countries and groups which do not allow freedom of opinion and speech, which have very strong rules about what can be expressed.

All this polarisation leads to judgment - on both sides, and extreme judgment leads to conflict.

(Note: what we have in the west is not bad - for example, there is nothing wrong with freedom of speech, but when we identify with it totally and disown the opposite, we push the opposite underground where its unexpressed energy festers and grows in intensity, so that where it is allowed out - in societies where there are more rules about what can be said - then it becomes extreme. We can choose what we will be like as a society, but instead of blindly identifying with a characteristic, we can be aware of and honour what we are choosing not to express, not just push it underground or dismiss it.)

So what do we do? We can do the work of discovering what we have become identified with on an individual and cultural level, then embrace the opposites of this, so that we can reduce the polarisation that is occurring on a global scale. What each one of us does will help - our group identity is a reflection of our personal identity and will therefore be influenced by the changes we make personally.

And finally, we must realise that we in the west are not as innocent as we might like to think. Publicly our politicians act as though we are all morally superior compared to the countries that produce terrorists. But we also perform acts of terrorism against some peoples - our methods are more subtle and insidious though. We sell used lead batteries to third world nations for recycling. There are now many children with lead poisoning in these countries as a direct result of handling these batteries. We sell infant formula to women in third world countries telling them it is a good alternative to breast milk - as a result their babies are dying from the contaminated water they mix with the formula. There are thousands of examples of how western nations kill or injure innocent people in other countries simply for economic gain. So we need to look at ourselves honestly and take responsibility for how we contribute to the acts of terror performed in the world.

What the world really needs now is for more of us to separate from our primary selves and their judgments, to start to look at the world as a whole, rather than just assume it starts and ends in our backyard or at our own nation's borders, and to start to understand and honour the selves on the other side.

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EXERCISE

Consider what your community identification is. Maybe you live in a suburb which is middle class, leafy and green, with good schools close by and is a safe neighbourhood.

Or maybe you live close to the city, somewhere with a village atmosphere, with an mix of young professionals, artists, designers and fashion people.

Maybe you live in a country town or on a property, with plenty of space, access to nature, where you and your neighbours work on the land and have strong community support for problems which affect you all such as natural disasters.

Now consider the types of communities within your city or country which are opposite to yours. Maybe there is a poor neighbourhood nearby with a high concentration of your country's unemployed people, people living in government-funded housing and students. What reputation does this area have in the community you live in? What are the selves expressed here as opposed to in your area? Is there any judgment from people in your area about this neighbouring area? Is there judgement from your neighbouring area about yours? Is there any unrest and tension between your areas? Which community identifies with being superior and right and which one is labelled the 'problem area' by the broader community in which you live?

If you live in a vibrant, inner city area, do you judge people who live in more quiet suburban areas? If you are single and get around on public transport, do you judge families driving around in station wagons? Consider what each area identifies with and the kind of relationship between the two communities this leads to.

Do any of the issues here mirror what happens on a global scale? You'll probably find they do. This kind of group judgment and polarisation occurs in all kinds of communities. It occurs between supporters of competing sporting teams, between departments within organisations, even between psychotherapists who align themselves with different theoretical models and techniques.

Individually we can help by working on our own Aware Ego process so that we can help reduce the judgment in the world at large.

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MEET THE SELF OF THE MOMENT - A BRIEF INTERVIEW

THE JUDGE

Current job: Film Critic

Favourite holiday destination: I haven't found one yet that meets all my expectations.

Favourite movie or television show: Judge Judy

Favourite song: Hound Dog by Elvis Presley

Favourite food: I read restaurant reviews and I try the restaurants which sound good and then I see if they are as good as reviewed.

How would your friends describe you? As quite critical. I have high standards for people - and everything else - and I can point out where there are flaws. I don't actually say anything most of the time but people can usually tell what I'm thinking.

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BABY DIALOGUE

Examples from my experiences with my 3 1/2 and 1 1/2 year old daughters to illustrate how I try(!) to use Voice Dialogue in my life.

This has been quite a heavy issue so I'll finish on a lighter note.

My youngest daughter, Tinkerbell, is currently working out how serious I am when I say 'no'. She's really testing me on this. Tinkerbell loves to climb. She has amazing gross motor skills for her age, which might be good when she's older and wants to be a mountain climber, but for now it's taught me what 'hair-raising situation' means on a personal level. Climbing on the coffee table and then standing on the very edge could easily be stopped by turning the table upside down. Now it's more safely used as a boat. 'No' didn't work at all with this - no matter how seriously I said it and no matter which energy or combinations of energies I said it with - Tinkerbell would just watch me intently with an 'I wonder when she'll run over to grab me' kind of look and move closer and closer to the edge of the table. Even when I did just turn off the concern and allowed her to stay there, she would lose interest in my reaction but would continue to experiment with her balance!

But other climbing expeditions are more difficult to curtail. I can't put the ceiling-height bookshelves flat on the floor and I can't rid the house of all chairs and stools - and we do need the dining table upright. We also need use of the sofa and its arm rests which Tinkerbell climbs up on, stands upright on, balancing quite precariously, until she sees me coming which is when she lunges toward me knowing I'll catch her - luckily so far I have.

My efforts have included saying 'no' using various energies and varying intensities of these energies, but Tinkerbell just has no fear (of me and of climbing at least). I can bring in energies to make aggressive dogs act like meek little puppies and I can make builders on building sites embarrassed about wolf-whistling, but I can't faze my own baby. She hasn't actually hurt herself badly yet - her skills really are impressive - but my heart rate and level of anxiety about this could do with a bit of lowering at times.

I just hope Tinkerbell develops other interests soon.

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COMING UP IN FUTURE ISSUES

Decision making
Energetics
The business selves
Aphrodite
Relationships and children

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IMPORTANT NOTE

This newsletter is not to be taken as psychological or medical advice. If you require such advice you should seek it from an appropriate health care professional. This newsletter is also not intended for you to use in making life-altering decisions without communication between you and the appropriate health care professional.

Copyright 2000-2002 - Astra Niedra. ISSN 1444-6022. PO Box 1266, Rozelle NSW 2039, Australia. No part of Daily Voice Dialogue may be reproduced, in any form, without the written permission of the author, Astra Niedra, except for forwarding an issue, in its entirety and complete with copyright information, to a friend.