Daily Voice Dialogue - Issue 2

--------------- DAILY VOICE DIALOGUE ---------------

A free weekly newsletter about using Voice Dialogue in your daily life

Written by Astra Niedra, edited by Mark Belfanti

WELCOME to the second edition of Daily Voice Dialogue, a weekly newsletter that will give you explanatory information about Voice Dialogue and ways to use Voice Dialogue on a day-to-day basis.

Best wishes,
Astra Niedra

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TOPIC OF THE WEEK

THE AWARE EGO

For those of you wanting a recap on what an Aware Ego is, here is a brief outline:

* An Aware Ego is the ability to stand between opposite selves, feeling and understanding both sides, yet not identifying with either side.
* It is a place from where you feel the conflict between opposites.
* From an Aware Ego you can choose which side to go with, without leaving the other side out. This does not necessarily mean pleasing both sides, but being able to live with, and carry, the disappointment of the side that missed out.
* The Aware Ego is a process that exists in relation to the selves. It is not a self or entity.
For example, in a given moment I can have an Aware Ego in relation to my Responsible Mother. I can also have an Aware Ego in relation to my Responsible Mother and an opposite to her, such as my Rebellious Daughter, at the same time. But while my Aware Ego exists between these two, all my other selves are still there, layered underneath or interwoven with the Aware Ego.

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EXERCISE

KICK-STARTING YOUR AWARE EGO PROCESS

Pick two opposite primary selves of yours that you are quite familiar with. For example, you might have a part who loves to exercise but also a lazy part who couldn't think of anything worse. Or you might have a part who really enjoys your work and an opposite part who would prefer to stay at home and read books all day. Or maybe you have a part who loves playing with your children and an opposite part who prefers the company of adults.

(Note: Do not choose a disowned self; you should have at least one pair of opposite primary selves. If a self is one you use or feel in your life on a regular basis, it is a primary self, even if it is opposite to another primary self.)

Now try to bring in one of these primary selves. Just invite the self to come in; if you are familiar with its energy pull in the energy.

If you are having trouble with this, close your eyes and imagine you are the self. If it is the Lazy self, think about a situation where you are being lazy and feel like you identify with the laziness.

Now decide to bring in the opposite self. Again, just invite the self to come in. If, for example, the opposite is the Exercise-loving self, think about when you are enjoying exercising - be it at the gym, cycling around a park, or just walking.

Now bring back the original self just a little and let the other one go a little. See if you can balance in between the two, as if you are in the middle of a see-saw and the two selves are on either end. You are in contact with both but not identifying with either self.

You have now kick-started your Aware Ego process. Use this exercise as often as you like to strengthen your Aware Ego 'muscle'.

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MEET THE SELF OF THE WEEK - A BRIEF INTERVIEW

THE PERFECTIONIST

Favourite job: I loved being a proof reader while studying for my degree, but now I'm a heart surgeon. This is great as I have to be so precise - there's really no room for error.

Favourite holiday destination: I love staying in five star hotels, anywhere. I like the way the beds are made so perfectly, the way the towels are folded and how everything in the room is in order.

Favourite books: 'How to be a better ...' and 'How to do something better' books.

Favourite Sunday breakfast: For a start, I like to have breakfast at a beautifully set table. The food: orange juice freshly squeezed from two juicy oranges, two eggs fried both sides with the yolks broken but so that they don't run over the whites, fresh wholemeal toast with just a thin spreading of butter (not margarine), and a strong caffe latte with the milk creamy, but not frothy.

Are you in a relationship? Not at the moment. I'm still looking for someone who fits my criteria. I guess I'm a bit choosy.

Favourite movie: The Odd Couple - but I think it was too sympathetic to the slob character.

What makes you angry or upsets you? When people don't get things right.

What makes you happy? When I see things done perfectly, of course.

How do your friends describe you? They say I'm a bit retentive and that I'd be impossible to live with but they certainly don't complain when I have a dinner party and everything is done just right.

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ENERGY TIPS AND TRICKS

BEING IN CHARGE OF YOUR BOUNDARIES

A really important aspect of strengthening your Aware Ego is the ability it gives you to set and control your boundaries. Having the ability to set your boundaries consciously is important for both personal relationships and for when you are dealing with strangers.

You can practice doing this next time you're waiting somewhere, such as at the supermarket checkout.

Start by imagining a protective energy egg surrounding you. Note where the boundaries of this egg are. Are they close to your body or further from it? If the boundaries have a colour, note what it is.

Move the boundaries of the egg closer to you. This might feel like you have little space in the egg for you to move in.

Now move the boundaries further out. Keep moving them, while keeping them solid, as far as half a metre or so around you. Imagine the boundary of the egg is so solid that no one can enter it. Observe how the people around you respond.

Now bring the boundary in again and observe how the people around you respond.

Note how you feel. Are you more comfortable with the boundaries closer to you or further away? Maybe you have trouble creating any boundaries at all. There is no right or wrong with this exercise (or any of the others); it's a matter of becoming aware of how you are now and then deciding whether you want more choice, and if so then practising using your aware ego to get it.

You can practise this exercise also with your partner or a friend. Ask them for feedback on the strength of your boundaries.

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RELATIONSHIPS

DIFFUSING AN ARGUMENT

Next time you're having an argument with your partner, or a slightly heated discussion, or you're just annoyed at them about something, try to match their energy instead of opposing it. If, for instance, you are tidy and your partner is messy and you're complaining to them about their messiness, try to bring in some messy energy, try to feel into what they feel like. You'll probably find you don't feel quite so bad about whatever it is that annoys you and, as a bonus, they will start to see things more your way - they might even tidy up the house!

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BABY DIALOGUE

Examples from my experiences with my 17 month old daughter to illustrate how I try(!) to use Voice Dialogue in my life.

TO EAT OR NOT TO EAT

Athena will eat most foods but if I decide to prepare something special for her, she will more often than not refuse to eat it. I watch with hopeful anticipation as she places the first morsel in her mouth, only to be disappointed when her tongue slowly pushed the food out, down her chin. She then screws up her face and pushes the plate away.

This never happens if I'm just feeding her something quick and easy like left over chicken and baked veges, or bread, cheese and fruit.

I'm sure she knows when I've gone to some trouble to prepare something and she reacts to the self I'm in. If I completely identify with the part of me that's proud of what I've cooked and then the part that looks so forward to pleasing Athena with my wonderful creation, she will inevitably react unfavourably to my cooking. The needier I am regarding her reaction, the worse she reacts.

If I just offer the food to her as though it is something she gets every day, and maintain an indifferent attitude to whether she likes it, she usually ends up eating it. If she really doesn't like it, she spits it out with some force or won't even try it.

So basically, if I really want Athena to eat something, and she feels the needy quality of the energy coming from me, she is quite likely to reject the food.

If I am not needy at all and am just willing to accept her response, she often responds positively. And when she doesn't, it doesn't feel like such a personal rejection and I just eat the food myself!

Have there been times in your life when you've approached someone from a very needy space and found they rejected you? I think neediness is one of those energies that is really important to become conscious of, and then learn to take care of yourself. Some people, including babies, just don't like the pressure neediness puts on them.

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NEXT ISSUE

Energy
Energy exercises

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IMPORTANT NOTE

This newsletter is not to be taken as psychological or medical advice. If you require such advice you should seek it from an appropriate health care professional. This newsletter is also not intended for you to use in making life-altering decisions without communication between you and the appropriate health care professional.

Copyright 2000 - Astra Niedra, PO Box 1266, Rozelle NSW 2039, Australia. No part of Daily Voice Dialogue may be reproduced, in any form, without the written permission of the author, Astra Niedra, except for forwarding an issue, in its entirety and complete with copyright information, to a friend.