Daily Voice Dialogue - Issue 18

----- DAILY VOICE DIALOGUE -----

a free newsletter about using Voice Dialogue in your daily life

written by Astra Niedra, edited by Mark Belfanti

Welcome to the eighteenth edition of Daily Voice Dialogue. Thank you for being so patient and waiting so long for this issue. Our second baby was born on May 14, 2001 and since then I have had no time for much else. But now that she is settled into more of a routine and is happy to sleep a little longer at night, you'll be seeing Daily Voice Dialogue in your inbox more frequently.

Best wishes,
Astra Niedra

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TOPIC OF THE MONTH

THE INSTINCTUAL ENERGIES

The instinctual energies or selves are those parts of us which exist on a very primitive level. They include our natural aggression, survival instinct and sexual instinct. These instinctual energies are with us when we are born, along with our Vulnerable Child.

Young babies are very instinctual. They root for the breast to get food and comfort, in much the same way as many young animals. And their sense of smell is very acute - they can smell their mother from quite a distance and distinguish her from other people just by her smell - just like animals can.

You can also see aggression in slightly older babies and toddlers. They will use force to get what they want and can be quite aggressive with each other. Their sexual instincts are there also - many a parent has been embarrassed by their young child playing with its genitals in public.

Because our instincts lead to quite 'animal-like' behaviours, as individual families and whole cultures we tend to discourage these behaviours in favour of more socialised ones. And this is necessary if we are going to continue living in societies. However, our instinctual selves tend to be pushed so far under that they can cause huge problems in our lives. People either feel completely dissociated from their instincts and identify with being very proper, or very weak and timid, or very mental. Or they try to be proper and 'well-behaved' but the disowned and dishonoured energies break out in extreme forms. So you get people who are passive most of the time but can become very aggressive, even violent, for brief moments. There are those who are proper much of the time but then get involved with self- or other-damaging sexual behaviours.

What also happens is that there are some individuals and groups who become polarised against the societal norms and take on as primary selves the instinctual selves, but in an extreme and warped form. An example would be gangs who have as a 'normal' code of conduct violence or sexual aggression. The rest of society then sits in judgment of such gangs, feeling very self-righteous and as though they are good and the gang members are bad. However, even though the violent behaviour is abhorrent, I believe it occurs because the people in these gangs are letting off steam from the collective pressure cooker with its lid on the instincts. If everyone took ownership of their instinctual energies, these energies would not become distorted from years of disowning and would not have to break loose in such negative and destructive ways.

There is a way to integrate your instinctual energies healthily. In their natural form they are not bad, they only become so when repressed for so long. Having your instinctual energies available to you would mean you could protect yourself and your family; you would be able to sense danger approaching and if you couldn't get away you would be able to fight if you needed to.

In a less extreme case, you would be able to stand up for yourself easily and with a sense of empowerment without having to be forcibly assertive.

Physically, you would be stronger, more flexible, and you would feel connected to your body and be able to move it more naturally. (Just watch how people walk and move around and you can pick those who have no connection to their bodies and those who do.)

Sexually, you would feel more relaxed and open, and your sexual experiences would have a deeper, more earthy feel to them.

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EXERCISE

Jungle animals can represent our instinctual energies as they express these energies very naturally. To start to get in touch with these energies you could watch some television programmes on jungle animals. When you do so, really look into the animals' eyes. See if you can get a feeling for how they feel. You can do the same with picture books.

Sometimes when people do this they can feel fear. This is natural because these animals have so much 'jungle energy' and if we have disowned our own, it can be quite frightening to encounter. If this happens to you, either close your eyes and get in touch with the part of you who is afraid and reassure it, or do a written dialogue with this part to find out more about how it feels, why it feels this way, and what you can do to reassure it. If you can, do some Voice Dialogue with a facilitator.

It is important to find out who in you is afraid of instinctual energy so that you can become conscious of this and find ways to integrate the energy without dishonouring your primary selves. Usually when a person's primary selves find out that having the instinctual energies available will keep you safer than without them available, they are okay about doing some work to integrate them. Your Vulnerable Child will also appreciate you having these energies accessible to protect it.

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ENERGY TIPS AND TRICKS

INVISIBLE BODY GUARD

When you go out somewhere by yourself (particularly at night) and you want to feel safer, use this tip to take along with you your very own, invisible body guard.

Before you leave your home, take a moment to picture a jungle animal or other strong animal you feel drawn to. Your choice might be very obvious but if it's not, think of one you can picture mentally and feel quite comfortable looking at. Imagine how this animal might move, look around, and sense its surroundings. Feel its power and strength. It might help to focus your attention on the lower part of your abdomen as you do this. Send this animal a message that you honour it and its abilities and ask it if it will look out for you while you are out. See if you can feel this animal being with you or a part of you.

When you step outside, look around at your surroundings and try to sense them, much like a jungle animal would. Then take your image and, if you can, the energy of your animal bodyguard with you. You should feel more alert, grounded and aware of your surroundings.

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BABY DIALOGUE

Examples from my experiences with my 2 year old daughter and 4 month old baby to illustrate how I try(!) to use Voice Dialogue in my life.

This Baby Dialogue isn't so much to do with the children personally as it is to do with the very instinctual experience of childbirth - which I have just experienced again.

Childbirth is one of those major life experiences which should be very instinctual yet has become so medicalised and 'mentalised' in western cultures. Fortunately for women who are interested, natural birth centres are now a part of most maternity hospitals and home birthing is an increasingly used option.

With my first labour I didn't know exactly what to expect and was not prepared for how much of an instinctual, primitive experience it was. I had all these mental notions of how I would deal with contractions which I had gained from childbirth classes and books. When it came to actually dealing with the intense pain of contractions, I found it very difficult because my 'techniques' didn't work and I had a real struggle with letting go and surrendering to the instincts of my body. I had a very long and difficult labour.

With the second labour, I prepared better and read about (their goes my mind and knower again) some different approaches. One was to call the contractions 'energy rushes' so that my body wouldn't be influenced by use of the word 'contract' which is the opposite of what your cervix is supposed to be doing in labour. This approach involved trusting my body and instincts and doing what felt best - not what I 'thought' I should do.

I was advised to stay connected with the outside world when an energy rush came, and then really harness it and experience it as a primitive force trying to open me up to let my baby come out. (With my first labour I went inside myself and tried to fight the pain much as you might do with a headache or migraine.)

The results: The second labour was much shorter and easier, but still very painful. I tried to separate from my mind this time and let my body do the work and carry me through the labour. I did find this difficult as I still had fears about the experience being as bad as the first. However, I did manage to follow my instincts much more than the first time and this certainly did make a difference - but I am still envious of those women who say they actually enjoyed childbirth! Maybe next time.

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COMING UP IN FUTURE ISSUES

Aphrodite Energy - the energy of sensuality
The Business Selves

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IMPORTANT NOTE

This newsletter is not to be taken as psychological or medical advice. If you require such advice you should seek it from an appropriate health care professional. This newsletter is also not intended for you to use in making life-altering decisions. The author, editor and anyone else associated with this newsletter do not accept any responsibility for any decisions you make or actions you take.

Copyright 2000-2002 - Astra Niedra. ISSN 1444-6022. PO Box 1266, Rozelle NSW 2039, Australia. No part of Daily Voice Dialogue may be reproduced, in any form, without the written permission of the author, Astra Niedra, except for forwarding an issue, in its entirety and complete with copyright information, to a friend.