Daily Voice Dialogue - Issue 16

----- DAILY VOICE DIALOGUE -----

a free newsletter about using Voice Dialogue in your daily life

written by Astra Niedra, edited by Mark Belfanti

Welcome to the sixteenth edition of Daily Voice Dialogue. This newsletter covers various aspects of Voice Dialogue and gives you ways to use Voice Dialogue in your life on a day-to-day basis.

Best wishes,
Astra Niedra

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TOPIC OF THE MONTH

THE PLAYFUL CHILD

There is a child part in each of us who simply likes to play. It knows how to have fun and to enjoy life. Most of us had this Playful Child as a primary self when we were children, but as we grew up, it became less prominent or was buried altogether.

Many people doing transformational work have access to their Playful Child, but they mistakenly take it for their Vulnerable Child. So you see a lot of workshops and books on the Inner Child and the importance of reclaiming it, but it is usually only one aspect of this Child, the Playful aspect, which is accessed. There is nothing wrong with having your Playful Child available to you, but it does not have the sensitivity of the Vulnerable Child nor does it carry your deepest feelings as your Vulnerable Child does. It is also not involved in relationship as your vulnerable child is. (See previous issue on the Vulnerable Child.)

What the Playful Child does do is enable you to feel joy and to have fun in life. It is often disowned in very serious people who have as a primary self a very rational and reasonable self. But this doesn't mean you can't be serious and be playful. As with the other selves, it is good to have your playfulness available to you but also its opposite, serious energies.

So why is it important to have the Playful Child available to you in adult life? For a start, ANY self that you don't embrace still exists in the unconscious and denies you the energy it carries. So you end up going through life with less energy than you could have. Without your Playful Child you might also be missing the ability to take some of the events in your life more lightly; you might be overly weighed down with your concerns and responsibilities. The Playful Child enables you to laugh and to enjoy simple things and adds a sparkle to the world.

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EXERCISE

Reflect on how you approach your life on a day-to-day basis. Do you have much fun in a childlike way?

There is 'adult fun' such as going out with interesting, witty people to dinner, enjoying a good intellectual comedy, or going dancing to a nightclub. These examples do not involve the Playful Child. Being able to find funny the expressions on the faces of the people at your interesting dinner is more likely to indicate the Child's presence. Or wanting to stop and start the music at the nightclub to see how people react, and then laughing at them still dancing when there is no more music playing is something the Playful Child might like to do.

To try and get access to your Playful Child think back to your day. See if you can find situations where your Child could have had a different perspective to yours. Maybe you were in a meeting and someone's glasses were crooked and you just accepted this. How would your Child have reacted? Maybe at lunch you bought a healthy meal and ate it very neatly so as not to get food on your outfit. How would your Child have had that meal? Would it have chosen a different one?

Just explore in your mind how your Playful Child would have seen the events of your day.

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RELATIONSHIPS

The Playful Child can add much joy to your relationship; it can add a whole new dimension to it. Many couples have the Playful Child available in their relationship in the early days. You see this when two people are just 'mucking around', playing innocent tricks on each other, teasing each other playfully. But this playing tends to disappear as the relationship 'matures', literally maturing out of it the Child selves.

If you're in a long term relationship you can refresh it tremendously with the presence of your Playful Child - especially if you have serious responsibilities and commitments that tend to infuse the relationship with their energy.

Either dialogue with each other's Playful child or use your memory of times past when you had it available to re-ignite its energy in your lives.

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BABY DIALOGUE

Examples from my experiences with my 23 month old daughter to illustrate how I try(!) to use Voice Dialogue in my life.

When Athena's Playful Child comes out it is truly a delight to be with her. The twinkle in her eyes and the energy she emits would uplift anyone's mood. When she is like this her joy too increases if I also access my own Playful Child and play with her. This playful energy in one person intensifies if there is another source of it around. (This is true for other energies too.)

Once we both become immersed in our playfulness it is very difficult for me to snap Athena out of it. I can easily snap myself out of it - just glancing at the clock and seeing that it's close to dinnertime and bath time immediately brings out my Responsible Mother. This Mother then wants to stop my involvement in playing to get on with 'her' duties, but Athena won't have any of this. Athena, deeply engrossed in play with me, obviously wants me to continue. Even when my energy has changed she tries to bring me back to her state.

If I just say 'No, Athena, Mummy has to cook dinner now' and try to get on with cooking from an opposite energy to hers (the Responsible/Serious Mother) she gets more and more insistent and then I get more and more annoyed. I start to feel irritated as I can see that if I don't get this dinner made, Athena will soon be hungry (as will I) and then we'll both be grumpy and she'll get to bed late and so on..

If I flip out of playful energy so quickly and into a serious energy, imagine how Athena feels. One moment I'm there with her having a wonderful time and the next moment, as far as she's concerned, I'm gone, and have been replaced by someone not so fun to be with. (In fact, the energy of the Responsible Mother isn't really 'with' her at all; it doesn't connect with another person, it is a very impersonal energy.)

Athena then tries to get back the connection she was so enjoying by 'hassling' me until she can get it, and as I'm identified with the Responsible Mother I'm trying to keep from 'going back' and have as my aim to get on with my duties. Really a no-win situation.

The alternative?

1. Stay in touch with my Playful Child as I bring in more of the responsible part of me. Transfer the playing to the kitchen and suggest a fun activity for Athena to do while I cook. Keep the connection with her going, but tone it down instead of just flipping completely into the Responsible Mother.

2. The other thing I could do is consider how open my connection is with Athena. If I'm trying to get on with preparing dinner, yet at the same time I'm feeling bad about leaving Athena to play by herself and would rather leave the dinner and give Athena what she wants, I'm probably not so much identified with the Responsible Mother anymore, but with a very open and personal energy, maybe the Good Nurturing Mother. In this case I'm not setting any boundaries with Athena and she can easily play on that.

If I realise this is happening, I could gradually bring in more impersonal energy, while maintaining a connection with Athena. Athena would then sense I mean what I'm saying when I say 'no' and she'd be quite happy to entertain herself.

3. Of course it's not always possible to do this as once you're in a bonding pattern with someone, such as described above, you're in it! And your awareness of the pattern might only kick in after quite some time. As a result it's often easier for me to get Mark to come and play with Athena while I cook or have him cook while I continue playing with her. But then the whole thing starts anyway when it's time to eat and she still wants to play ...

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NEXT ISSUE

TOPIC OF THE MONTH: The Magical Child

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IMPORTANT NOTE

This newsletter is not to be taken as psychological or medical advice. If you require such advice you should seek it from an appropriate health care professional. This newsletter is also not intended for you to use in making life-altering decisions without communication between you and the appropriate health care professional.

Copyright 2000-2001 - Astra Niedra. ISSN 1444-6022. PO Box 979, Glebe NSW 2037, Australia. No part of Daily Voice Dialogue may be reproduced, in any form, without the written permission of the author, Astra Niedra, except for forwarding an issue, in its entirety and complete with copyright information, to a friend.