Daily Voice Dialogue - Issue 10

----- DAILY VOICE DIALOGUE -----

a free weekly newsletter about using Voice Dialogue in your daily life

written by Astra Niedra, edited by Mark Belfanti

Welcome to the tenth edition of Daily Voice Dialogue. I apologise for this issue being so late - we had to have our computer system rebuilt last week and I was unable to send email. This issue will be the last one before Christmas. The next issue will be sent to you in early January, next year.

So wishing you a joyous time this festive season. And may the New Year unfold for you in harmony with the flow of the Universe, along with your ever-increasing abilities for conscious choice.

Best wishes,
Astra Niedra

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TOPIC OF THE WEEK

WHAT TO EXPECT FROM A VOICE DIALOGUE FACILITATION

The following points cover how a session should proceed and how the facilitator should treat the person being facilitated. Keep in mind that all facilitators have their own style and you would have a different experience with different facilitators, but there are some general guidelines facilitators should follow.

* The first thing a facilitator will do is get to know you. They will ask questions and generally carry on a conversation with you while putting together a 'psychic map' of the kind of person you are.
* If you are new to Voice Dialogue you probably won't be facilitated until a later session. Make sure you fully understand what is involved with Voice Dialogue before you proceed. Ask the facilitator to explain the process to you and anything else about the work you wish to know. It is essential that you are comfortable with the concept of selves constituting your psyche.
If you have experience with Voice Dialogue, the facilitator might suggest doing Voice Dialogue in the first session with them.
* After you and the facilitator have discussed what are likely to be some of your primary selves, you both choose which self you will work with.
* You should ALWAYS meet your primary selves first.
* You should be comfortable with what the facilitator suggests. If you have any hesitation, say so. If you don't, the self that comes out will say so anyway or will feel uncomfortable. Never agree to try to access a self you don't feel ready to access. A good facilitator will not try to get you to do so; they will always work with what you want to work with. Voice Dialogue should feel safe for you.
* When the facilitator is speaking to one of your selves, they will be trying to discover what the nature of the self is. They will speak in an interested way and will always honour the self they are speaking with.
* None of your selves should feel judged by the facilitator; they should feel appreciated. If you feel judgment from the facilitator, say so.
* The facilitator will ask the selves what function they have in your psyche, how long they have been around for, how they view your life, whether they have anything they want you to know, and so on. The questions will vary depending on which self is being interviewed. The tone, pace and amount of conversation will also depend on the self. Some selves talk more than others, some are more feeling based, some don't speak at all.
* The facilitator should not try to change any of the selves. Your selves should feel that they are being heard, that they are fine the way they are.
* The facilitator's job is to help you identify, understand and separate from the selves so that you begin an Aware Ego process. If any changes are to be made, it will be you who is making them.
* If you have been working with a disowned self, the facilitator should speak to the corresponding primary self afterwards, even though that self should have already been spoken to before meeting the disowned self. Checking in with your primary self after a disowned self has been accessed helps to keep the work safe.
* The facilitator should always bring you back to the Aware Ego position before ending the session and make sure you are feeling centred before you leave. They should spend at least 10 minutes with you in the Aware Ego position discussing what happened.

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THE 'MECHANICS' OF A VOICE DIALOGUE SESSION

* You and the facilitator sit opposite each other when the session begins.
* When you both decide to talk to a self, you move to a different place in the room, whether that be a couple of inches to one side or to a different chair or seated cross-legged on the floor.
* When the facilitator has finished speaking to that self, they will ask you to move back to your original position. This then becomes the place for the Aware Ego. (Sometimes you will be asked to move directly from one self to another self, bypassing the Aware Ego position, but then coming back to it after meeting the second self.)
* At some point, either after speaking with one self or at the end of the session, the facilitator will ask you to stand beside them or behind your chair and go over what just happened to help give you awareness of what happened.
* You will then move back to the Aware Ego position and finish with a discussion of the session and of how you now feel, before going back to your usual activities.

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MEET THE SELF OF THE WEEK - A BRIEF INTERVIEW

SANTA CLAUS

Current job: Giving gifts

Favourite holiday destination: Somewhere warm

What I'm reading: 'Rearing Reindeer Respectfully' by Rudy Shine; 'The Art of Gift Giving' by Ms Claus (behind every great man there is a great woman); 'The Burglars' Break and Enter Bible' (purely for information on distributing gifts to children who live in homes with no chimneys).

Favourite movie or television show: A Christmas Story

Favourite song: Santa Claus is Coming to Town

How do your friends describe you? Ho, ho, ho - jolly, of course!

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BABY DIALOGUE

Examples from my experiences with my 19 month old daughter to illustrate how I try(!) to use Voice Dialogue in my life.

GUILT ABOUT 2ND BABY TAKING TIME FROM FIRST

As you know, I have another baby due (in early May). This second pregnancy is more challenging than the first, mainly because having an existing child means I cannot rest as I did the first time around. I now look back on the first pregnancy and think 'what a luxury', and realise, looking ahead to having two children, how 'easy' it must be looking after only one child.

Another challenge is about the following: On a rational level I know that children get used to having siblings. On another level, however, I feel sorry that Athena won't be getting as much of my attention and that I won't have as much time with her. And it seems as if she already knows this: since I've become pregnant she's become more clingy towards me. She's also started to become more demanding and to have tantrums when she doesn't get her way.

So which selves are involved in this situation? I'm strongly identified with the Responsible Mother and Good Mother and feel bad if I think Athena isn't 100% happy with things. And I imagine she won't be too happy when the new baby arrives and she's no longer the only child. I then flip into Guilty Daughter, because I feel I am responsible for Athena's feelings.

When I start to feel guilty, Athena becomes demanding. Now I know that all children go through stages where they aren't very accommodating and have regular tantrums, which are necessary to express their feelings, but there is also definitely a correlation between the state I'm in and Athena's state.

For when I don't feel any guilt about not being the 'perfect' mother for her, and just get on with what I have to do with a sense of entitlement about it, Athena reacts differently. She will still make it clear she doesn't like something, but she very quickly accepts it.

So that's what I'm working on: separating from and understanding those selves which feel guilty about not meeting all Athena's needs and wants and accessing opposites which are comfortable with meeting MY needs and wants. Hopefully then Athena will adjust more easily to the changes in her life.

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NEXT ISSUE - January 2001

TOPIC OF THE WEEK:

Spiritual Energy vs the Spiritual Pusher/Rule Maker

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IMPORTANT NOTE

This newsletter is not to be taken as psychological or medical advice. If you require such advice you should seek it from an appropriate health care professional. This newsletter is also not intended for you to use in making life-altering decisions without communication between you and the appropriate health care professional.

Copyright 2000 - Astra Niedra. ISSN 1444-6022. PO Box 979, Glebe NSW 2037, Australia. No part of Daily Voice Dialogue may be reproduced, in any form, without the written permission of the author, Astra Niedra, except for forwarding an issue, in its entirety and complete with copyright information, to a friend.